The beginnings of a plan
by ashandpika
Summary: One day, Ron has an amazing idea. A way to stop Voldemort that no one will see coming. Can Harry and Ron put it into action and wipe Voldemort from the face of the earth forever?  horcruxes never existed
1. Chapter 1

Ten weeks after Hermione had left Hogwarts to move to Australia with her parents, Harry and Ron were lying in their beds, in the dark, chatting, as they did most nights.

"Harry," Ron began, his voice pensive, "Why don't we ever just bomb him?"

"What?" replied Harry with mild irritation.

"Well, or use guns or something. I mean, why does it always have to be magic? Why do we never just shoot people in the head? Or get submachine guns and like, storm them or something?"

"Well that's obvious!" cried Harry, trying desperately of think of an answer. "Its because… It's because…. Well we just don't okay? You wouldn't understand anyway!"

"Alright, alright!" Ron muttered, smiling to himself. "Just a suggestion!"

Long after he heard his friend's loud snores, Harry stayed awake pondering what Ron had said. Why on earth _didn't _they ever just bomb people? Might be an idea. An epic plan was already forming in Harry's head. Now this Voldemort really wouldn't see coming.


	2. Chapter 2

The next day, Ron and Harry were sitting nervously in Dumbledore's office. Perhaps it hadn't been such a good idea after all. Dumbledore CERTAINLY didn't seem to think so…

"You want to do WHAT?" Dumbledore shrieked, his beard quivering with anger and his half-moon spectacles teetering precariously on the end of his nose.

"Um," replied Ron, who hadn't quite understood the purpose of the question, "Shoot people. With guns. And maybe bombs."

Harry kicked him angrily under the table. "Look, sir. It was just an idea. A BAD idea. Ron's bad idea. We won't do it, honestly. I can see now, thinking about it, that it was stupid. Ridiculous even. In future I won't let Ron get ahead of himself. And may I say that those purple robes really do make you look at least forty years younger, sir?"

"Shut up, you useless suck up!' hollered Dumbledore, secretly slightly flattered, "You are absolutely the WORST chosen one ever! You've been here what, five years? Have you killed Voldemort? No! You've managed to get plenty of _other _people killed, but other than draining our resources you've done pretty much nothing! At least Ron here has some initiative. "

Ron smiled smugly and glanced sideways at Harry, who looked like he might burst into tears.

"Actually," continued Dumbledore, "maybe we SHOULD try guns…. Could work, I suppose! Ok, I've made a decision. Ron, you are officially the new chosen one. Congratulations."

"WHAT?" shouted Harry, clearly unable to contain himself " YOU CAN'T DO THAT! YOU CAN'T JUST _CHOOSE _THE CHOSEN ONE! I SURVIVED THE KILLING CURSE, I'M HARRY POTTER, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!"

"Now, now Harry," replied Dumbledore softly, " I'm not saying we write you off completely, not at all. You can help Ron. You can be, y'know, his second in command!"

"Basically, Harry," said Ron, grinning triumphantly, "You're gonna be my bitch!"

Fuming, Harry swept out of the office. Ron and Dumbledore looked up briefly as he left but soon continued their animated discussion about where best to get hold of an effective Voldemort killing arsenal.


	3. Chapter 3

Outside the castle Voldmeort is rumoured to be living in

"RIGHT!" shouted Ron, looking slightly ridiculous with determination and brown war paint smeared across his face, "THIS IS IT PEOPLE! THIS IS WAR! NO TIME FOR PONCY LITTLE FAIRIES ANY MORE!"

"Ron," Harry replied impatiently, "First of all, we're wizards, not fairies, and second of all stop addressing me like an army!"

"Right, yeah, sorry." Muttered Ron, as his imaginary army faded away and a clearly pissed of Harry took their place.

They nodded resolutely at each other and slipped through the huge oak door of Voldemort's castle.

"Ron!" Harry hissed, "must you play with that thing all the time!"

Surprised, Ron turned around, still tightening the straps on his submachine gun.

"You," he whispered back, "are just jealous because Dumbledore doesn't trust you with a gun after you accidentally shot Neville in the leg last week. You may be good with wands, Harry, but you are the worst marksman I've ever seen!"

Harry, who was walking slightly ahead of Ron in an attempt to take charge, rounded the corner and gasped.

There was Lucius, wand raised. Harry tried to pull out his own but there was no time.

Avada keda-" suddenly a torrent of submachine gun bullets ripped into Lucius.

"Blimey," said Harry, trying to hide the tears of terror rolling down his face.

"And that," replied Ron, who had barely even paled, "Is why I'm the chosen one!"

"You're not the bloody- oh whatever! Someone must have heard that, we have to move fast if we're going to get to Voldemort!"

Ron kissed his gun lovingly and tore off after Harry, safe in the knowledge that, whatever Harry thought, he _was _the new chosen one.

Ron, who had decided to take the lead after Harry had got them completely lost, ran energetically down endless spidery corridors, a grenade bouncing enthusiastically in his pocket.

Harry followed, panting, and saw Ron come to an abrupt stop outside some steel doors.

"This is it!" Ron cried, looking incredibly pleased with himself, "This is totally it! I found it! YES!"

"No, this can't be it. If this were it my scar would be- OW!" Harry's hand flew to his forehead in confirmation. "Ok, this is it."

"Right then," whispered Ron, "how are we going to get in…?"

Harry stepped forward confidently. "ALOHAMORA!" he yelled, expectantly.

"Pffft! Like THAT was ever going to work! He's the bloody dark lord! He'll have every magic proof charm in existence on this place. And THAT." Murmured Ron, grinning slightly evilly, "is why we're going to use a grenade."


	4. Chapter 4

Before Harry had time to protest Ron had produced a grenade, ripped out the pin and was sprinting back down the corridor.

"Get out of the bloody way, Harry!" he shouted, as Harry came to his senses, squealed, and scrambled hastily away from the grenade.

The blast was huge.

"Now that," murmured Ron, who no longer had any eyebrows, " was AWESOME!"

As the smoke cleared, Ron saw through the ruins of the steel doors and into what had to be Voldemort's office. Striding purposefully forwards, Ron caught sight of a slightly charred Harry whimpering on the floor.

"Oh get up you useless tosser!" Ron hissed, kicking Harry somewhat affectionately and continuing towards the office.

Bursting into the room and wielding his submachine gun excitedly Ron looked eagerly for Voldemort.

He soon spotted the Dark Lord cowering under a desk, cradling the shards of his wand.

Ron suppressed the urge to laugh and instead obliterated the trembling prince of darkness.

"And that!" announced Ron, not quite able to believe that he had actually killed the dark lord, "is why-"

"Why you're the chosen one," muttered Harry, who was still white as a sheet but had managed to walk shakily over to where Ron was standing, "I think everybody gets that now, Ron."


	5. Chapter 5

Before Harry had time to protest Ron had produced a grenade, ripped out the pin and was sprinting back down the corridor.

"Get out of the bloody way, Harry!" he shouted, as Harry came to his senses, squealed, and scrambled hastily away from the grenade.

The blast was huge.

"Now that," murmured Ron, who no longer had any eyebrows, " was AWESOME!"

As the smoke cleared, Ron saw through the ruins of the steel doors and into what had to be Voldemort's office. Striding purposefully forwards, Ron caught sight of a slightly charred Harry whimpering on the floor.

"Oh get up you useless tosser!" Ron hissed, kicking Harry somewhat affectionately and continuing towards the office.

Bursting into the room and wielding his submachine gun excitedly Ron looked eagerly for Voldemort.

He soon spotted the Dark Lord cowering under a desk, cradling the shards of his wand.

Ron suppressed the urge to laugh and instead obliterated the trembling prince of darkness.

"And that!" announced Ron, not quite able to believe that he had actually killed the dark lord, "is why-"

"Why you're the chosen one," muttered Harry, who was still white as a sheet but had managed to walk shakily over to where Ron was standing, "I think everybody gets that now, Ron."

When they arrived back at Hogwarts, they did not get the welcome they had been hoping for. In fact, everyone appeared to be asleep and none of the candles were lit.

"Well this is just great!" shouted Ron, sarcastically, "I save all your lives and not so much as a-"

At that, Ron was cut off by Dumbledore leaping forward, shoving Harry out of the way in the process, and shouting 'SURPRISE!"

Suddenly hundreds of pupils and staff swarmed on Ron, shouting words of congratulations and lifting him up onto their shoulders, trampling an angry Harry in the process.

"HOORAY FOR RON! THE BEST CHOSEN ONE THIS WORLD HAS EVER SEEN!" shouted Dumbledore, bouncing up and down with excitement.

Harry felt a big, black boot stamp on his face, smashing his glasses and wiping mud all over his cheek.

"What about me?" he whimpered, "I survived the killing curse! I'm the real chosen one!"


End file.
